the rest of detention goes by quietly. you catch up on homework, he catches up on marking. as the class files back in, you return to your seat, looking a little shaken, just for show.\n\nafter school, it's more of the same. you finish off your homework. he finishes his marking. sometimes, you chat about things that don't make your stomach churn with worry.\n\nbefore you leave he double- and triple-checks you're going to be okay.\n\nyou tell him no, you're going to get beaten, but there's nothing he can do.\n\nyou think he's going to make his lip bleed [[with how much he's worrying it]].\n

you don't turn up to class the next day. he texts you, asks you where you are, tells you that you should come in. tells you he's sorry.\n\nyou don't reply to any of them.\n\nyour flatmate is off, and checks on you. asks you how you are. asks you why you're not in school. you give him vague answers, half-truths about being sore until he leaves you [[alone]].

You begin to attend classes again.\n\nYou keep your head down and do your work.\n\nYou catch up.\n\nYou hear people laughing about you in the corridors sometimes but you never find out why but you're afraid they know.\n\nYou wonder who found out in the first place, and how, but you don't want to risk angering your teacher by pursuing that line of questioning.\n\nYou forget about it, eventually.\n\nYou get over it, eventually.\n\n[[play again?|Start]]

this is it. you see his surname on the buzzer list. your heart skips a beat.\n\nyou pull out the envelope, hands shaking. you can just post it then <<replace "run.">>run.\n\n<<replace "just slide it through the letter box, what are you waiting for?">>just slide it through the letter box, what are you waiting for?\n\n<<replace "are you scared?">>are you scared?\n<<replace "there are no identifying marks.">> \nthere are no identifying marks.\n\nyour nerves subside a little bit.\n\nyou take in a [[deep breath]].\n\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

he sits back next to you and apologises immediately.\n\n"i don't think you're supposed to say sorry after sucking dick."\n\nhe bites his fingernails as he protests, "it's still not right, though. this isn't fair on you. i'm going to get fired. maybe imprisoned."\n\n"i'm legal. and i wanted this. not- not like this. not under these circumstances. but you didn't force me into anything. whoever's sending letters is the one forcing us both into this. you're just as much a victim here as i am."\n\nyou drink tea in silence for a while. it's nearly entirely cold, but you do it anyway, just to have something to distract yourself with.\n\nyou ask, after a while, where he thinks the [[threats are going to go from here]].

you don't recognise any of the voices, muffled by cloth.\n\nyou don't get to see any of the faces, your eyes covered by a thick strip of cloth before you're rolled onto your back.\n\nyou don't get to fight back, your arms held above you.\n\nyou don't get to run, pinned down by countless hands.\n\nyou don't get to stay conscious, punched repeatedly 'til you black out, hurting so much you [[don't feel anything]].

class the next day is uneventful.\nyou take notes.\nyou learn things.\nyou daydream about your teacher.\nyou answer some questions.\nyou watch your teacher. you notice that he's a little less enthusiastic than usual. you wonder what's wrong.\nyou take more notes.\nyou make an early start on some homework.\nyou check your phone.\nyou notice the time.\nyou start packing up.\nthe rest of the class starts packing up.\nyou head [[back home]].

"you're paranoid. they might be twisted little shits, but they're still just students. they probably don't have the means to follow us."\n\n"but if one of them's in my class, i could have taught them something, i- remember when i told the class the basics of tracking technology? they could have done some more research, i told them enough that if they wanted they could build their own tracking device, if we get followed it's my f-"\n\nyou kiss him to shut him up.\n\n"you're paranoid. sit down. we're safe."\n\nhe stays still, glassy-eyed for a moment before kissing you back, hard, like you're the only thing that's real, the only thing that shuts up his racing brain. you pull him onto the couch, him straddling you, clinging to your shirt. he doesn't push for more than your kiss, but he whimpers a little when you pull back to check if he's okay.\n\nhe isn't. you know he's not. but he's better than he was [[before you kissed him]].

it's almost a day of nonstop repeating yourself before someone finally listens to you.\n\nyou tell them nearly everything. you don't mention the fucking. you don't mention the blowjob. you don't mention the night before.\n\nyou tell them that someone was sending him letters promising that if he didn't do horrible things to you, they'd kill you.\n\nthey asked why he didn't go to the police.\n\nthey asked why he let you get hit in the first place.\n\nthey asked a lot of questions but refused to understand when you explained that you told him to go along with it. that you told him he could give you detention if it'd appease them. that you agreed to pretend that he had hit you just to get them off your back. that it escalated to them requesting that he murder you and that's when you escaped. that if they asked him he'd be able to show you the letters, that they'd maybe be able to understand why you both went along with it, complied with not contacting the authorities because you didn't want to risk dying.\n\nthey delicately asked you if he'd forced himself you and you said no without a moments' hesitation.\n\n[[you knew you weren't lying]].

it's quiet out. a soft pleasant breeze ruffles your hair. you momentarily forget that you need to be careful.\n\nyou get the milk. you take your usual shortcut [[back to your flat]].

you were barely aware of them leaving, but you lie there for a long time after they're gone, too numb to get up.\n\ndistantly you realise you're in shock. that you should probably get back to your flat or to the hospital or something before the shock wears off and it starts to hurt like hell, but you can't make your limbs move.\n\nyou experimentally try and wriggle your arms, and finally some sensation comes back to you, and it isn't good. you peel off the blindfold and stagger to your feet, into the nearest shop, and they call you an [[ambulance]].

you obey.\n\nyou wait.\n\nin the dark, in this dusty cramped hole in the wall, you wait.\n\nthe door opens suddenly and you get a brief glimpse of your teacher's face before it closes again, just as fast. there isn't much space. he's pressed up against you. he whispers in your ear, "stay silent" and you do, despite the overwhelming urge to cough because of the dust that was dislodged when he entered.\n\nhe locks you both inside and gets on his knees in front of you, [[peeps through the keyhole]].

he looks confused. he nods at your last question. "yeah, i live here. but it's 11pm, i think the library's shut. it's [[just around the corner, though"]].

you run til your feet ache every time they pound off the <<replace "pavement.">> pavement.\n\n<<replace "you run til your lungs sting with every shallow breath you take.">> you run til your lungs sting with every shallow breath you take.\n\n<<replace "you run til your muscles scream out in agony.">> you run til your muscles scream out in agony.\n\n<<replace "you run til you cant feel your face from the rain hitting it so hard.">> you run til you cant feel your face from the rain hitting it so hard.\n\nyou run til you collapse back into your bed, still in your [[soaking wet coat]].\n\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

with the last of your strength you reply.\n\n'[[I'm sorry]].'\n

but he broke down.\n\nhe admitted fault.\n\nhe told them where the video camera was.\n\nthey took the letters from him and tried to pin him with an array of charges despite your testimony that he didn't do anything wrong, that your flatmate was behind the threats.\n\nthey investigated him, of course, but he'd left no trace. denied all knowledge. brought him in for questioning and he passed you in the halls and had the cheek to smile at you like butter wouldn't melt.\n\nyou don't know how he knew where you were but maybe your teacher was right. maybe he did plant a tracking device on the car.\n\nyou know your teacher went to prison.\n\nyou know you were denied visitation rights.\n\nyou know you were discredited as being too traumatised to testify properly.\n\nyou know the judge was one of your classmates' father, and you know you saw him wink as your teacher was led away in handcuffs.\n\nyou keep fighting.\n\nyou keep telling people he's innocent.\n\nyou keep telling your story.\n\nbut who the hell believes a traumatised student who was clearly manipulated by an abusive teacher? who was broken, twisted to believe that his abuser and captor was a lovely person, that he was actually the one that begged his abuser to do all those things to him because he feared for his life?\n\nnobody.\n\nin hindsight, you kind of wished they had just killed you instead of ruining both of your lives.\n\nand the [[worst part]]?

you watch him drive wordlessly 'til you reach a house in the middle of nowhere in the forest. you finally ask where you are as he cuts the engine.\n\n"my parents' old house. they left it to me."\n\nhe ushers you inside, collapses on a threadbare old couch with his head in his hands.\n\nyou remind him he was gonna [[call the police]].

"Good work. Tomorrow, hit him.\nConveniently you've given him detention. Make your move then. Don't hit his face, that'll be too obvious. Punch him in the ribs.\nWe'll test as he heads back home."\n\nyour hands shake.\n\nhe tells you "i'm so sorry, i got it last night, if I'd went to the police then-"\n\nyou cut him off.\n\n"it's fine. do it."\n\nhe looks appalled.\n\n"i can't do that!"\n\n"then i'll just fake it. i'm still tender from their last beating anyway."\n\n"you don't have to do this. i can give you a lift home, you shouldn't be getting assaulted because of this. i'll - i'll take you home then call the police."\n\n"then they'll figure out you told me. then they'll maybe try and kill me. or maybe they'll kill you."\n\n[[he bites his lip in worry]]

you attend class the next day anyway. your flatmate tells you to rest up but you want to see your teacher.\n\nyou sit down at your usual desk and pull out your notebook. people whisper about the state of your face but nobody asks why or how because nobody knows you that well. it is only the first month here.\n\nyou raise your hand to answer a question halfway through the morning, smiling as best as your aching face will allow.\n\n[[and he yells at you]].

he strokes your cheek, gently, his thumb ghosting across your skin. it feels like an apology.\n\nyou prefer not to think about what he has to apologise for. you know he doesn't want this. you know he wouldn't let you do this if your life wasn't at risk, if there wasn't a camera on you. you don't want this either, not really. you wanted to get to know him, and impress him, and befriend him, and if you did anything physical you would have wanted to kiss him first, would have wanted him to want it, would have wanted him to ask, or you would have wanted to offer.\n\nand now he's disgusted with himself, and probably with you.\n\nyou blame the tears prickling at your eyes on having taken in too much of him and choking a little, even though you didn't. he brushes them away anyway. [[like they never happened]].

he finally speaks.\n\nhe's stammering slightly.\n\n"If- if you need to talk to me about anything you know I'm always available to- I sense- I understand entirely if you, er-"\n\nhe brushes against you slightly as he gestures with his hand, still avoiding eye contact.\n\nand he blushes.\n\nyou are frozen to the spot.\n\nhe apologises, a string of sorrys falling from [[his lips]].

it's less painful this time, as you expect it, but it still floors you. a swift punch to the ribs and you're not even faking as you cry out in agony.\n\nafter they run off you stagger to your feet and slowly make your way home. you take a long, hot shower to lessen the pain.\n\nat least you don't have to [[worry about homework]].

you wake up, groggy.\n\nyou drag yourself into college.\n\nyour brain is on auto-pilot so much that you forget what happened the night before 'til you see him.\n\nyou think you're going to have a panic attack. what if he picked it up. what if he read it. what if he [[realised]].\n

he reaches out to touch you, after a while, rests his hand on your leg, rubs his thumb in circles on the bare skin exposed beneath the leg of your shorts.\n\nyou think to ask if he got another letter.\n\n"unfortunately yes."\n\n"what next?"\n\nhe removes his hand, fishes a crumpled note from his pocket, hands it to you.\n\n"Deliver the video camera to his house tomorrow night. Leave it on the kitchen table. Afterwards, go into his room.\nKill him.\nI don't care how.\nI'll deal with the body.\nIf you don't, I'll do it anyway."\n\nyou try not to show any fear. you defiantly raise your chin, look him square in the eye for the first time since he arrived.\n\n"[[is that why you came here]]?"

"this was sent to my door. i ignored the first one, wrote it off as a prank. then you came in with a black eye."\n\nyou scan the letters. they're printed the same font as the note you received a few nights ago, that you ignored.\n\nthey tell him everything. the first one tells him that you're gay. they tell him that you have a crush on him. they tell him that he should humiliate you in front of the class or you'll be beaten. they tell him if he takes this to any authority you'll be murdered.\n\nthe second, he tells you, he got last night. they describe exactly what happened in that alleyway. they tell him that it was his fault you got attacked. they tell him that if he doesn't out you, you'll be killed.\n\n[[he apologises profusely]].

you stammer an excuse that doesn't even make sense\n\nand you make a break for it\n\nfingers around the doorhandle\n\nbut you're stopped\n\nstrong fingers around your shoulder\n\n"please. just talk to me."\n\n<<replace "you run.">> you run.\n\n<<replace "you run because you don't know what else to do.">> you run because you don't know what else to do.\n\n<<replace "you run til you get home.">> you run til you get home.\n\nand you stay home for the next week, too embarrassed to show your [[face]].\n\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>\n

you sneak out again. retrace your steps.\n\nno sign of a note, [[crumpled or otherwise]].

and here you are, doodling love hearts on your notes and scribbling them out like you're a 14 year old girl instead of an adult male in his first year of a prestigious prep school.\n\nyou're startled from your reverie by a knock on the [[door]]

it hurts worse than you can process. you thought he was amazing. incredible. you thought he would be tolerant. you //liked// him. you had a //crush// on him.\n\nbefore the adrenaline of the shock wears off you interrupt the answer the other student is giving. you stand up. you slam your fists on the table. you shout.\n\n"i don't have to take your shit. what's it to you if i am gay? what does it matter? what gives you the right to scream at me over it you piece of shit?!"\n\nyour voice shakes and cracks but you're angry enough that you don't care.\n\nhe storms over to your desk.\n\nhe leans in.\n\nhe whispers,\n\n"detention, for the next week. [[lunchtime, and after class]]."

he's staring at you in confusion.\n\nhis shirt's wide open.\n\nhe looks scruffy.\n\nthen he finds his words.\n\n"um. hi? what're you doing here?" he self consciously buttons his shirt up [[slightly]].

"we can't."\n\n"we already have."\n\n"that was to save your life."\n\n"and this is to calm you down." you press a kiss to his stomach, wrestle your wrist free from his grip and keep going, assuring him, "i want to. i really want to."\n\nhe nods - not enthusiastically, nervously, like it's the first time either of you have done this - [[but it's a nod]].

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you hold his hands, assure him that he didn't know this at the time, that it doesn't matter now, that you can tell the police you wanted to do it if they get a hold of the video.\n\nhe's shaking. he keeps blathering, evaluating the situation like he's only just realised how bad the situation really is.\n\nyou ask him where the bedroom is and guide him towards it. you make him lie down, tell him to shut his eyes and calm down, take deep breaths.\n\nyou kiss him again, and he lets you, lets you unbutton his shirt, lets you kiss down his chest, lets you rest your head on his torso, runs his fingers through your hair comfortingly - although you aren't quite sure if he's comforting you or himself.\n\nhe only stops you when you get up again, [[unbutton his jeans]].

lunch was tense. he was quiet, and barked at you to shut up when you asked him a question. he didn't tell you about any new letters. his teaching was off all day. he kept dropping his pen as he tried to write on the board, hand shaking. you wonder if you've made him angry by telling him about already having his address.\n\nthen after-school detention started. you take your seat next to his desk.\n\nthen you see the camera. on-light blinking ominously next to the computer on his desk.\n\nhe sneers at you and tells you to get on your knees. on the floor. you comply, your head spinning, panic setting in. he unzips his trousers. he tells you, "you know what i want you to do."\n\nhe shows your his hand, out of sight of the camera. written on it, shakily, in green ink, "Camera. I'm so sorry."\n\nyou nod and [[lick your lips]].

the drizzle bites at your cheeks. you bow your head against it, fingers curled around the envelope as firmly as you can without [[crushing it]].

he wraps his fingers around your dick and falteringly jerks it. for the camera, he orders you to think about what a disgusting boy you are, how much you're loving this, degrades you, and you don't know why but that makes it feel even better. you feel filthy. you feel dirty and rotten. you feel violated.\n\nyou feel incredible.\n\nyou come forcefully on his sofa, muffling your yell into the cushions, faking a few dry sobs for whoever was going to watch this.\n\nand then he fucks harder.\n\nyou're raw, you're tender, your nerves are aflame and he fucks even harder, slams into you, tells you that you're repulsive, you're foul, and then his voice shakes as he keeps telling you how awful you are as he comes, nails digging into your sides.\n\nhe pulls out, slowly, leaves you face-down on the chair as he goes to shut off the camera, asking "good enough?" before [[he shuts it off]].

"i'll probably be told to fuck you soon. and i can't really fake anything with the camera now, can i? and i can't go to the police now he has video evidence of me making you suck me."\n\n"no, not really. so you're willing to fuck me?"\n\n"if it's a choice between fucking you and letting you die, i think my conscience would make me fuck you. i'm not willing, though. i want you to go to the police."\n\nyou both fall silent.\n\nhe sends you home, after a while, apologising again.\n\nyou nearly kiss him goodbye, but you're not sure if that's appropriate. then again, you have sucked each other off. appropriate is a long-forgotten memory [[at this stage]].

he grips your wrists and his head tips back into the pillow, lets you take control of the situation. you set the pace, lean forward enough to get just enough friction to tease both of you. you wrestle an arm free and wrap your fingers around both of you, and that's enough for him, he cries out your name and drags you down into a kiss and bites your lip as he comes.\n\nyou stop moving as he recovers, and you try to calm yourself down, accept that you won't come now he's came, that he'll push you off and regret it as soon as he comes to his senses.\n\nyou're proven wrong as soon as he gets his breath back, and pulls you closer to him by the hips, licks the head of your cock and tells you to fuck his mouth.\n\n[[that's an offer you can't refuse]].

you make shallow thrusts at first, not wanting to choke him, but he holds onto your hips and takes you deeper, stares up at you as you experimentally fuck faster.\n\nyou come with your knuckles white as they grip onto the headboard, calling him 'sir' as your dick hits the back of his throat.\n\nhe swallows. he licks his lips. he kisses the tip of your sensitive cock and it sends a violent shiver down your spine.\n\nyou thump down onto the bed next to him, stare at the ceiling as your head swims.\n\nhe gets up to clean himself off, and you fall asleep [[before he gets back]].

"i already have your address." he looks confused, and you clarify, "the first note i got from this person. it was your address. it told me to tell you. that i liked you, that is. they know where you live."\n\nhe sits down, rests his head in his hands. you apologise. he tells you not to. you do it again anyway.\n\nhe drives you home, drops you off at your door. he doesn't say a word.\n\nyou think he realises then that he's in [[as much danger as you are]].

you stare at the wall. you have no words.\n\nhe tells you that he didn't want to do it, that he wanted to report it to someone, but he didn't want to risk your life if they were willing to beat you so severely over it. that he wanted to discuss it with you, but he was terrified if he was seen speaking to you in school they'd realise and kill you anyway.\n\nhe's shaking.\n\nhe confesses that he has no idea what to do.\n\nyou declare, quietly, but firmly, "[[neither do i]]"

your phone continues to buzz with texts and calls until it runs out of battery. you're afforded a good hour of peace, quiet, and time to overthink the situation.\n\nthen the doorbell rings and your flatmate tells you it's your teacher and you knew that already. you knew he'd come over. your flatmate takes your lack of response as a cue to let him in.\n\nhe sits on your bed for a while, clearly hoping you'll be the one to speak first. you refuse. you don't even look at him.\n\nit takes a while, but he eventually tells you he's sorry, doesn't elaborate, leaves it at that.\n\n"you threw me out."\n\n"i didn't know what to do."\n\nyou lapse back into [[an uncomfortable silence]].

1 new message.\n\nDon't go out! I spoke to the police, they think you're in danger. They're coming to your flat right now. If you've already left, please head back [[immediately]].

your flatmate asks if you're alright. you just nod.\n\nyou reach into your <<replace "pocket.">> pocket.\n\n<<replace "then your other pocket.">> then your other pocket.\n\n<<replace "then your inside pocket.">> then your inside pocket.\n\ndouble-check your outside pockets [[again]].\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

he tells you, voice low, that he's close. you look up, cock your head slightly, unsure if he intends to come in your mouth or not. he seems to understand your confusion, clarifies, "swallow."\n\nyou do.\n\nhe tells you you can go home early.\n\n[[you do]].

"i think you're a good person."\n\n"that-" it's a relief but it's not what you really meant. you tell him that.\n\nyou have to lean in to hear his reply.\n\n"you're attractive. you- you're beautiful. you're incredible, you're one of the best students i've ever had. i don't deserve you. i don't deserve to have you."\n\nyou try to kiss him but he pushes you off. tells you to go home.\n\nyou don't know what to think. you don't know how you feel. you tidy yourself up fast and walk out, [[walk home]].

suoli

you don't sleep well that [[night]]

you bullshit for your life, your brain on autopilot trying not to think about the dark trail of hair beneath his belly button you just glimpsed.\n\n"i-i was looking for the library! i- i got a bit lost, i was about to ring someone's buzzer in here to get directions when you-- you live here?"\n\n[[(you congratulate yourself, that sounded fairly convincing)]]

warning: this game contains scenes of a sexual nature, and some [[potentially triggering content]]\n\n[[begin]]?

you barely hear the footsteps behind you.\n\nthe knife's in your back before you can comprehend what's happened.\n\nyou crumple forward, land heavily on your knees, dropping the milk with a dull thud.\n\nif you were better at biology you'd maybe know what vital organ your attacker just pierced but instead you just know that the pain is blossoming slowly outward from where the knife went in, and as soon as your attacker pulls it out again it flares.\n\nyou don't even see their face. you slump face-down onto the ground and your shock prevents you from looking back as they retreat.\n\nyour phone buzzes in your pocket. you fumble for it, thinking of [[calling for help]].

he doesn't look at you the whole day. you stay in for lunch, expecting your detention, but he tells you your last one was on friday, busily cleaning up his desk instead of meeting your eyes. there are still a few stragglers packing up, so you can't protest - one of them might be the one sending the notes in the first place.\n\nyou sit outside, eat slowly, make a start on your homework.\n\nif you don't have detention, maybe it's over?\n\nyou don't know how you feel about that. on one hand, maybe it won't escalate further. maybe you won't get beaten again. maybe that's all they wanted.\n\nbut if it doesn't go further, that means you're not going to have sex with him after all.\n\nwhich would be a shame. and a waste of a weekend spent testing your limits in between stretches of boredom.\n\nyou check your watch. [[time to go back in]].

he runs his fingers through his hair and a few days ago if you had your teacher in your room on your bed playing with his gorgeous hair you would have been a wreck.\n\nyou still are a wreck. just a different type.\n\nhe admits, softly, "i'm sorry i gave you detention. that wasn't fair. i only did it because i realised that if you were with me at lunch and after school you'd be less likely to be targeted."\n\nyou admit that it's alright. you don't have any friends anyway.\n\nand whoever is doing this is probably in the class anyway.\n\n[[he slowly nods in agreement]].

eventually, the condom seems to irritate him out of his stupor, and he rips it off, bins it in the kitchen. you follow behind him, and grab him, kiss him firmly to keep him from going off into his own little world again. he doesn't pull away. he doesn't kiss back. he just stands there.\n\nyou wrap your arms around him, giving up on getting through to him, both of you standing there on the cold tile of the kitchen floor, naked from the waist down.\n\neventually he tells you that you should go home. you say no.\n\nyou tell him it's okay. he says it's not.\n\nhe steps back, looks at you, finally, hand on your cheek. his face is twisted, eyebrows knotted together.\n\nhe drops his hand and sits back down, slowly pulling his trousers back on. you follow suit, [[get dressed carefully]].

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another day. another letter.\n\n"Well done. Are you enjoying this? I bet you are.\nEnjoying it enough to take it a step further?\nYou're going to make him suck your dick.\nI'll slit his throat if you don't fuck his.\nI'll come around to check, after school, mid-detention. Oops. I must have forgotten something.\n[[Regards]]."

your eyes tear up a bit from fear and you try to blink them back before he notices. you don't want to show him weakness. you don't want him to know you're afraid. you don't want to worry him.\n\n"we're not doing it, don't worry. we can fake it somehow, or i can still go to the police."\n\n"if i don't do it he'll murder me."\n\n"you don't know that! we'll find a way around it. i'm- i'll go take this to the authorities right now-"\n\n"no. just- i'll do it. it's fine."\n\nhe protests endlessly and you admit, after a while, "look, this stupid shit happened because i have a crush on you in the first place. it's not like doing it is the worst thing that could happen to me."\n\nhe stares. your face heats up the longer he goes without replying. your shoes are suddenly very interesting.\n\nhe clears his throat shortly before lunch is over. "well. um. go back to your seat. we'll discuss this again [[later]]."

you seethe with rage over it. you go home early, as soon as the lunch bell rings.\n\nyou could report him to the head of faculty. was he even allowed to give detentions? you know the school is technically a place of higher education but it otherwise functions very much like a high school.\n\nyou stare at the ceiling, trying to process your thoughts. you can't express how unfair this is. you can't fully fathom the magnitude of your pain and betrayal. he was the closest you really had to a friend, and not only had he outed you to the class, yelled at you, punished you for nothing, but he had ruined your chances for making any new friends here.\n\nyou consider just packing up and leaving. moving back home.\n\nthe doorbell rings and [[you do not move a muscle]].

you trust him more than you fear whoever's behind this.\n\n"alright. tell the police. i'll- i'll lay low. and i'll vouch for you if you get in trouble for anything."\n\nhe nods and makes arrangements with you. gives you his number (and your heart skips a beat) and tells you how to stay safe (don't leave the house don't answer the door) and tells you to be careful and text him if anything - and he stresses that he means //anything// - comes up.\n\nand then he leaves.\n\nyou lie flat on your bed and stare at the ceiling.\n\nhe's going to look after you.\n\nyou have his number.\n\nyou're kind of thankful to whoever's behind this for [[letting you get this close to him]].

then he's by your side and apologising profusely and untying you and apologising again and asking if you're okay because he saw you cry and asking why you didn't say his name asking why you didn't stop it and you notice he wore a condom and you try to get a word in edgeways but he won't stop saying sorry.\n\nyou tell him it's okay and he shuts up for a second.\n\nyou thank him for using a condom (and you vaguely remember that you used oil and that's not generally a good combination if your high school sex ed wasn't useless but it seemed to hold up).\n\nhe sits next to you and stares at the dead camera lens.\n\nhim not talking is worse than him talking constantly. you reassure him again, that it's okay, rest a hand on his thigh, and he doesn't even flinch. stares dead ahead.\n\nyou sit in awkward silence next to him as you realise you're not getting an answer [[any time soon]].

you wind up missing so much school, between recovering, and talking to the police, and not being allowed to see your teacher anyway, that you have to drop out.\n\nyou text him anyway, after a while, and he tells you not to again, in case the police find out and get mad. they never did find out who stabbed you. your teacher is still a suspect.\n\nyour parents are disappointed. but there's always next year, they tell you. another school, another start.\n\na fresh start.\n\nmaybe you'll make friends this time.\n\nmaybe you won't get stabbed this time.\n\nthat would be nice.\n\n\nGAME OVER.\n\n[[go back|he slowly nods in agreement]]?

the door <<replace "opens.">> opens.\n\n<<replace "you jump.">> you jump.\n\n<<replace "fuck.">> fuck.\n\n<<replace "it's him.">> it's him.\n\n<<replace "oh fuck.">> oh fuck.\n\nhe's putting a bag of rubbish in the bin outside.\n\nyou freeze, holding the letter stupidly for a moment before stuffing it roughly [[back in your pocket]].<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

your flatmate hands you a letter, confused.\n\n"it just came through the door"\n\njust your name. [[no address]].

your heart skips a beat at the word before your stomach sinks as you process the meaning of the sentence.\n\n[[back|on your bed]]

you're woken by the sound of sirens and a knock on the door.\n\nhe slept next to you, and he's up and dressed before you can figure out what's happening. as soon as you piece together what's happened, you dive for your crumpled clothes, throw them on as fast as possible. you sneak towards the front door, where there are voices, and none of them sound friendly.\n\nthe word 'kidnap' is said.\n\nthe click of handcuffs rings through the house.\n\nyou step forward [[defiantly]].

"Interesting."\n\nnothing else.\n\nyour chest feels tight.\n\n"they've figured out we've been faking. i told you, i should have-"\n\nhe shakes his head and rests his hands on your shoulders.\n\n"listen. i'm going to run you home, okay? and- here." he scribbles on a piece of paper and hands it to you. "that's my phone number, and my home address. contact me, or come see me if you don't feel safe. i'm going to see if there's anything we can do to involve the police without letting them find out."\n\nyou scan over the note. [[you confess]].

you thank him. he leaves you alone.\n\ninside is a [[note]]

you lick him through his underwear before pulling that down, too. he's harder faster than the last time you did this, and you're less nervous. he pets your hair again, watches you as you swallow him.\n\nit's easier doing this when your mouth isn't dry from nerves. he hisses out your name and curls his fingers in your hair, fingertips pressing into your scalp, holding you in place. you watch him, wait for a cue to keep going, and when he loosens his grip and looks down, you lick up, release him, swirling your tongue around teasingly. you hope it's alright. he didn't give you any feedback last time you did it, but you had managed to make him come despite neither of you really wanting it, not like that, not on camera for someone else's sick pleasure. you feel a surge of confidence as you proceed.\n\nit's rewarded with breathless moans, and a repetitive chant of your name, curse words, and pleas for you [[not to stop]].

teacher's pet

he's on his knees without another word, unbuttoning your jeans and kissing your thighs and whispering 'sorry' against your dick over and over, breath warm against your skin, mouth engulfing you as soon as you're hard.\n\nyou rest your hand on his head, stroking softly like he had earlier. you tell him, "you don't really have to" but he pulls off and reassures you that yes, he does, and you can't really argue with him.\n\nyou can still taste him. you can't quite believe this is real. you hold yourself from coming too fast by replaying the events leading up to this moment. surely this can't be real. surely this is some fever dream.\n\nbut you feel yourself tighten and you tug on his hair and try to warn him and it feels real when you come in his mouth, when you see his adam's apple bob as he swallows your come, when he licks the last few drops [[from your head]].

you wake up on a hospital bed, machines beeping around you.\n\nafter a while, a nurse comes, checks on you, but tells you she can't tell you what happened as she wasn't on shift when you came in. the police can, though.\n\nthey tell you you were stabbed, and you knew that much already. they question you but you've not got anything to tell you that your teacher hasn't already told them.\n\nyou're not allowed to see him.\n\nyou're not allowed to text him.\n\nyou're not allowed to call him.\n\napparently it would risk the two of you consulting about what happened in case it warps the [[facts of the case]].

"this isn't happening."\n\nhe keeps telling himself that as you proceed to finger yourself on the kitchen floor.\n\nhe keeps telling himself that as you finish up and set up the camera in the living room, facing the couch.\n\nhe keeps telling himself that as you sit him down and brief him on how to make it look real, and encourage him to use as much force as he needs to.\n\nhe keeps telling himself that as you redress yourself and exit the flat, so you can stage yourself nervously ringing the doorbell and [[re-entering]].

he wouldn't stay hard at first. you think it might be the guilt, or the nerves. or maybe you're just bad at it. you don't really know. you've never done this before. you hope you're not terrible at it.\n\nyou do it without really thinking about how fucked up the situation is. you didn't think your first time sucking cock would be like this, but, here you are. you pretend this is normal. you try to remember every bit of advice and pop culture you've learnt about blowing someone. wrap your lips around your teeth, don't bite by accident, wrap a hand around the base, use your tongue. you mimic what you've seen in videos. you can't take as much of it in as other people could but you tell yourself those people are professionals, and [[you've never done this before]].

-implied homophobic insults\n-assault\n-teacher/student relationships\n-mention and discussion of rape\n\n[[back|Start]]

"i can still tell the police if you want. you could just not come to class 'til we find who is behind it. if i show them the letters they could put you under observation, protect you."\n\nyou contemplate the offer.\n\nyou fear that if you [[accept]] you'll get murdered.\n\nbut if you [[deny]] it might only get worse for you.\n\nneither option seems especially thrilling, but you answer him.

he makes you a cup of tea without a word, sits down next to you in his living room. you don't know what to say. why had you come here? what had you been thinking? well. you hadn't been thinking. you moved on auto-pilot. all you knew was that you needed to see him, you hadn't thought this through at all. should you apologise?\n\nhe beats you to that, puts his mug down and doesn't meet your eye as he tells you, "i'm so sorry. i-i should have gone to the police sooner. i should have- i can't now, can i? you can, though, and you should. i'll get fired and i deserve that. is-is there anything else i can do, though? to make it up to you?"\n\nhis fingers knot with each other, intertwine and tense and he picks at loose skin around his fingernails.\n\nyou joke, try to lighten the mood, to make him worry less, "you could suck my cock," with a nervous giggle to let him know you're joking.\n\n"i would, if it would help."\n\nhe's looking at you now. you put your tea down.\n\n"[[you could try]]."

on the back, an address.\n\nyour lecturer's address.\n\nyou feel mildly threatened by this. you hadn't told anyone. you hadn't made any real friends to tell yet. you alluded to it online, but nobody from here follows you.\n\nwho knew about that?\nwho knew where you lived?\nwho cared?\n\nyou could just [[ignore it]]. chalk it up as a prank.\n\nyou side-eye your note-pad anyway. consider writing [[an anonymous confession]]

you recieve a letter in that same godforsaken font a few months after he's imprisoned, after you've moved back home and dropped out of school.\n\n"If he hadn't come to you after outing you it would have just stopped there. We just wanted to humiliate you.\nBut then we realised we were in deep shit if you did go to the police. We had to keep the two of you silent.\nAnd we could make him do anything, \nWe wanted to see how far we could push it.\nYou should thank us. You'd never have gotten to taste his dick any other way.\nRegards."\n\nthe police told you that faking evidence was a serious crime.\n\nand your ex-flatmate and his friends are still out there.\n\n\n[[begin again?|begin]]

he throws abuse at you, voice shaking, spitting out insults.\n\nhe outs you to the class.\n\nyou feel thirty faces turn towards you as they realise he's just told them all you're queer.\n\nand none of them stand up for you.\n\nhe takes an answer from another student as you reel [[in shock]].

your flatmate knocks and informs you that //he's// here.\n\nyou storm out of your room, from lethargic to incensed within a matter of seconds at the mere mention of his name. you don't know what you're going to do when you swing the door open, but you feel violent.\n\nuntil you see his face.\n\nhe looks distraught and as angry as you are, you weren't expecting that. he asks to come in and you agree before your brain can kick in and remind you that you hate him right now.\n\nhe pulls a couple of letters from his coat [[and explains]].

you figure it couldn't hurt. nothing too detailed. nothing that can identify you. just enough to let him know how wonderful he is.\n\nsealed in another enevlope, yourself wrapped in a heavy coat, you venture out into the [[fog]].

"I found the letter the night you came to my house, as I'm sure you've realised. I apologise for making you uncomfortable by confronting you about it.\n\nI would like for you to come back to classes. You are a bright young student, one of the most talented and attentive in the class, and it would be a great shame to lose you, especially over something like this.\n\nAs you are aware, the nature of our [[relationship]] is strictly professional. Due to this, I would prefer it if you did not return to my house. I won't ask how you found out where I live, but I shall trust that you are sensible enough to elect to forget the information.\n\nIf you choose to return to classes - which I sincerely hope you will - I can give you copies of the notes that you have missed and we shall take a clean slate, forget that anything has happened. I have been marking your absences as permitted leave, so don't worry about your attendance."\n\nYou fold it away [[carefully]].

school the next day is difficult. you mentally catalogue all of your classmates, wondering who could be behind it.\n\nat lunchtime, you're kept in, as per your detention.\n\nhe hands you a [[new letter]].

"it's him. it has to be him."\n\n"he's not in our class."\n\n"there were a bunch of them when i got beat up, he has friends."\n\nyou grab your bag and throw it out the window. you can make it from here. you tell him to follow you as you jump.\n\nyou look up as you pick up your bag, and he's hesitating. but you hear the barricade fall, and he's down seconds later. he's unsteady on his feet, must have landed badly on his ankle, but he drags you by the wrist around the front to his car, steps on the gas and speeds [[all the way out of town]].

<<replace "oh no.">> oh no.\n\n<<replace "oh god no.">> oh god no.\n\n<<replace "it's not there.">> it's not there.\n\nthe note's [[not there]].\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

you pull off, after a while, spit still hanging from your mouth gracelessly, which you wipe off with the back of your hand. he looks up at you, brow creased in worry, and he asks if you're okay. doesn't ask why you stopped. doesn't think about himself. just gets worried you're not alright.\n\nyou kiss him.\n\n"can... can i try something?" you ask, tentative.\n\nhe nods, and you start to strip, slowly, shucking off your shirt, removing your trousers with about as much elegance as you had when you pulled off his dick, hopping around before kicking them off, your underwear following.\n\nyou straddle his thighs, and he pauses you, hand on your stomach, warning you that he didn't bring any lube again, or any condoms, and he's sorry, but you shut him up by sliding your hips up against his, your cocks rubbing together, and he stops [[midsentence]].\n

on your way home you keep glancing back, unsure why you feel uneasy. you don't live in a particularly rough area, but you still feel unsafe.\n\nyou round a corner, take a shortcut down a side-street you know well.\n\nyou hear the rapid footsteps behind you but you're on the concrete before you can turn around, arm twisted behind your back, nose scrunched up against the hard ground, bleeding from the [[impact]].

[["tell him"]]

"do you like me?"\n\nhe stares at you and you're pretty sure that's a no. you mutter an apology.\n\n"why are you thinking like that after i've just raped you?"\n\n"you didn't rape me. i told you to do it."\n\n"i-i should have said no more. i took advantage of you."\n\nyou decide not to have this argument again and press on.\n\n"but do you //like me//."\n\n[[he squirms]].

there's a letter slipped inside your folder, with your teacher's handwriting on it.\n\n"DO NOT OPEN UNTIL AFTER SCHOOL."\n\nyour stomach manages to leap and sink at the same time. you know already.\n\n[[it's not over]].

"he didn't kidnap me."\n\na kind-looking policewoman ushers you outside, checks you over, starts asking questions immediately, but you keep cutting her off with "but he didn't kidnap me."\n\n"it's okay, you're safe now."\n\n"i was safe last night. i wouldn't have been if he didn't come for me. can i explain?"\n\nyou're shooshed, and he's told not to speak until he gets a lawyer, and they assume the worst about your black eye and they keep telling you that you'll be fine, that you're safe now, even when they put you in the back of a police car and take you back into the town where your flatmate is, away from your teacher.\n\n[[you don't feel safe]].

you bite your nails a little, starting to worry.\n\nmaybe you shouldn't have pushed him to do that.\n\nmaybe you shouldn't have told him not to go to the police.\n\nmaybe he hates you.\n\n[[he asks you what's wrong]].

you review your notes in your room. engineering class. you didn't think you'd like it so much, but he's so interesting.\n\nhe's older. well, obviously. you're his student. you don't think there are any teachers your age.\n\ncertainly none as <<replace "distinguished...">>distinguished...\n\n<<replace "handsome...">>handsome...\n\n<<replace "funny...">>funny...\n\n[[fascinating]]...\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

"that's fine! i just wanted to know where it was in future!"\n\nyou know you're speaking too fast.\n\n"ah, well, never mind, i'll see you tomorrow, thank you, bye sir!"\n\n[[you run in the opposite direction from the library]].\n

you throw some clothes in a bag, a few essentials. you tell him you're going to run to the kitchen and grab some food - he tells you he'll pay for food, but you're already in there.\n\nso is your flatmate.\n\n"you're not going anywhere."\n\nhe has a kitchen knife in his hand. he's smiling.\n\nyou run back to the bedroom and lock yourself in, [[warn your teacher as you barricade the door]].\n

you take shelter under some scaffolding to find your bearings. you try to ignore the feeling that you're being watched. that's just paranoia because you're doing something risky. you can't see anyone else around.\n\nyou think this is the right street. you double-check [[the note you received]].

he's whispering in your ear to stay quiet, but his hands are shaking.\n\nhe's tying your hands together behind your back with your own belt and shoving you face-first onto the sofa but his voice cracks when he tells you that he'll kill you if you scream.\n\nhe's ordering you to spread your legs as he yanks off your jeans and your underwear, but he slides a finger inside you gently, then another.\n\nhe's promising that it's going to hurt but when he slides inside it's merely a momentary discomfort.\n\nyou wince anyway, for the camera, beg him to stop quietly, but you told him not to listen to you unless you said his surname. for now, all your protests are, 'please, sir', 'no, sir'.\n\nyour eyes water and you blink out a few tears for effect.\n\nbut [[you can handle this]].

the next day you stay off school as instructed. you text him saying you'll stay home as promised.\n\nwhich goes well.\n\nuntil your flatmate texts you and asks you to run to the shops to pick up some milk since you're staying off.\n\nyou figure five minutes outside can't hurt.\n\nyou text your teacher anyway [[just to let him know]].

"in- in the letters, it said- it said that you had a, erm. a thing for me? is that-"\n\nhe catches himself midsentence, his eyes widen a little at your own expression of mild panic\n\n"god, that's incredibly inappropriate of me to ask, i'm so sorry. you don't have to answer that."\n\nyour mouth is dry and your heart is racing as he stands up, smooths out his coat, and [[turns to leave]].

you calm him down, talk to him gently, remind him that he drove for over an hour.\n\nhe kisses your neck in between apologies, and confessions that he fucked up, and realisations that this situation should be reversed, that he should be comforting you, admits that when he was calling you disgusting last night he was talking to himself, tells you he hates himself for not just going to the police, tells you he cares about you, that you were always his favourite, always the most attentive and wrote the most interesting essays, that he thought you were cute but never thought, never thought it'd end up like this, never wanted to hurt you, never wanted to fuck you, just wanted to know you better outside of class, and you realise his eyes are watering as he babbles into the hollow of your shoulder.\n\n"sit up," you order, and he obeys, faces you. "it's okay. you didn't hurt me. you just saved my life. you could have killed me, or left me to get murdered by my flatmate. but you drove me to safety." you kiss his neck and tell him you're thankful, tell him you know he wouldn't have fucked you if you hadn't insisted, tell him you wouldn't have insisted if you didn't think it was going to save your life.\n\n"but in the end it would've ended up the same even if i didn't fuck you last night. they don't know i did it. they just trusted i would. fuck, they've still got the footage of you blowing me, they- that was insurance in case i didn't do it. oh god. oh god no." [[he starts to panic again]].\n

"no. i can't do it."\n\n"but you brought the camera, right?"\n\n"no. i hid it. i'm going to destroy it. delete the video then make it entirely unrecoverable."\n\n"so i'll die."\n\n"no. pack some stuff and come with me. we're running away. we're calling the police and hiding out somewhere. go fast, okay?"\n\nyou trust him. you have no choice. [[you trust him]].

you press the button and he lets you in, much like he did earlier, but he claps a hand over your mouth this time, pushes you against the [[back of the sofa]].

he refuses again, keeps trying to rationalise that you won't die, they won't go that far, surely they won't-\n\nyou push past him and barge into his bedroom.\n\n"what are you doing?"\n\n"finding lube."\n\nyou rummage through his drawers as he protests, and eventually confesses, "i don't have any!"\n\n"...how did you imagine we were going to do this, then?"\n\n"i didn't! we're not!"\n\nyou ignore him and enter the kitchen, start raking through the cupboards, ignoring him as he questions you until you find a bottle of oil and unbutton your jeans.\n\n"...what are you doing?"\n\n"making this easier."\n\n"[[this isn't happening]]!"

he opens the door and nervously checks behind you as he quickly ushers you inside. you barely have your foot in the door when it slams shut and he tells you, "i can't. i can't do it."\n\n"if you don't, what'll they do to me?"\n\n"i don't know. they won't kill you. but i can't- they want me to //rape// you, i //can't//-"\n\n"it's not rape if i tell you to do it. i'd rather this than die."\n\nhe stares at you.\n\n"this can't happen. i can't do this to you, it's not appropri-"\n\n"we've sucked each other's dicks." you pull the letter from your pocket and hold it in front of him. "appropriate's off the table. [[fuck me or i'm dead]]."

you race back home after school, bolt out of the classroom so fast nobody could catch you if they were chasing you. nobody is going to beat you up today. nobody is getting a hold of this note.\n\nyou slam your bedroom door behind you, lungs burning as you sink to the floor and open up the letter.\n\nit's printed in the same font again.\n\n"You didn't give him detention this week, did you? Trying to get out of this?\nInvite him to your house. Make him to come over.\nTake the camera home with you. Film yourself having sex with him, whether he wants it or not. Either way, make it hurt.\nOn that topic, I saw the video from before - good work. I could see the humiliation in his face. It was perfect."\n\nand underneath, in your teacher's writing,\n\n"Come over. I'm not doing this. I can't. We need to talk."\n\nyou get your breath back. you shower, you get changed.\n\n[[you go see him]].

he tells you he understands but presses on anyway. tells you he'll ensure your safety.\n\nyou point at your swollen eye.\n\n"there were at least six of them. maybe more. you can't keep me safe. we'll just see how this plays out. they can't do much worse to me anyway."\n\nhe purses his lips and accepts it.\n\nafter a moment's pause, he quietly speaks, apparently [[nervous, now]].

you can still taste him as you walk home. you don't eat. you don't want to wash it away.\n\nyou have to go see him. without the camera there.\n\nthe route to his home goes via the library, so you know it fairly well. you ring the buzzer and wait, filled with doubt and concerns.\n\nwhat if he doesn't want to see you?\n\nwhat if he's repulsed by you?\n\nwhat if you're harassing him?\n\n[[he buzzes you in anyway]].

the weekend drags on.\n\nyou don't have any homework to do - detention meant you were further ahead than you normally were, even with the past two days afternoon detentions being less than productive.\n\nyou don't dare leave the house in case you get targeted again.\n\nyou don't dare text him, in case he doesn't want to think about what's happened for the next few days.\n\nyou think about it a lot. you wonder who could care enough.\n\nyou don't dare write about it online. you don't even tell your friends in other countries. you want to leave no more proof of what's happened than there already is.\n\n[[then monday rolls in]].

he leaves shortly before the end of class, telling everyone to excuse themselves when it was time to go as he had a meeting. except you. he hands you a note and then walks out. the class stares a bit, but leaves early, filing out around you.\n\nyou wait.\n\nnerves rising, coiling your stomach.\n\nyou wait.\n\nyou unfold the note with trembling fingers.\n\nyou wait before you read it, wait 'til the last of the chattering from outside the class dies down before you look down.\n\n"Get in the cupboard, with your bag. [[Wait]]."

the school sends letters but you can't talk to anyone about it, can you?\n\nhe rings the doorbell one night\n\nyour flatmate lets him in\n\nbut you've already climbed out the window by the time he lets him into your bedroom\n\nyou return hours later once you're certain he's left\n\nand there's a note [[on your bed]]

you control your breathing as you try to take your mind off the position you're both in. your back pressed up hard against the cupboard shelves, no room to move, book corners pressing against your spine, and your teacher's head is right there. at your waist. you can barely see it from the light filtering through poorly fitted doorframe, but it's there, you can feel his body heat.\n\nthis wasn't how you'd been nervously picturing this afternoon going at all. this was actually the opposite of what you were half afraid of, half excited about.\n\nhe lets out a gentle sigh of relief after a couple of minutes, then stands, and seems to realise how close he is to you, mumbling a few apologies as he unlocks the door again, and gestures for you to go ahead and leave the narrow confines of the tiny cupboard.\n\nthere was a [[note on the table]].

the paramedics patch you up, assess the damage. you're beginning to feel the pain, but they assure you that no serious lasting damage was done. you're given extra-strength pain-medication and told to rest up, take it easy.\n\nyou realise when you get home that they didn't steal anything. just hit you.\n\n[[you wonder why]].

he nods, slowly, pulls out his phone.\n\n"fuck. it's dead. fuck."\n\nyou check yours. 3% battery.\n\nyou offer it to him, but he shakes his head. "too much to explain on 3%. no chance you brought a charger?"\n\nyou had forgotten it in your haste to escape.\n\n"we're not very good at this."\n\n"stop blaming yourself, this is my fault." he gets up, starts pacing, still a little wobbly on his ankle, scratching his arm frantically, checks his watch and curses as he realises how late it is. "we could stay the night, then head to the next town over, get a charger from there. i don't have any change on me, just my card, else i'd suggest we go find a payphone, but it might not even be safe to go driving around aimlessly."\n\n"what about the landline?"\n\n"disconnected. it's for the best, if we had one they could maybe trace it - what if they find us somehow? they have to be looking for us, we know your flatmate's one of them, now. fuck, they probably followed us, or put a tracker on us. can we use your phone to call a taxi to get us to a hotel?"\n\nyou grab his shoulders and [[stop him from pacing]].\n

he avoids eye contact all day. you don't take nearly enough notes.\n\nhe asks you to stay behind after class. you think you're going to die of mortification.\n\nthe rest of the class files out slowly.\n\n<<replace "you wait.">> you wait.\n\n<<replace "you wait.">> you wait.\n\n<<replace "you wait.">> you wait.\n\nthe last straggler leaves and closes the door behind him and still you [[wait]].\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>